Joke of the Day

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "You know who I am".

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man..

'Don't you realize I can kill with a word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply..

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Well, why aren't you afraid
of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 44 years.'

Dancin' With A Man Video

Funny video, but I have to think any fella trying this in a Texas honky-tonk would get thrown out on his (er her) ba-donka-donk. If video doesn't begin playing after clicking on the play button, then give the scroll bar a little nudge to get it moving.

Troops in action!

I wish we'd see more of this on the six o'clock news. You gotta think these kind of actions will build friendships that will last a lifetime and across generations.

Iraqi Child Bites GI In Self Defense After Obvious Torture!

GI Falls Asleep On Duty While Using Iraqi Child As Body Armor!

GI Overheard to say 'Talk or I'll tickle you till you pee!'
More Evidence Of Failed US Intelligence Policy.

Soldier Attempts to Eat Iraqi Child !

Clear Evidence of Forced Labor by Troops!

Iraqis Grateful That American Forces Did Not Open Fire During Soccer Game!

Soldier Caught At 'Tickle-Torture' To Extract Intelligence!

GI Forces Iraqi Child To Hang By Fingertips!

No comment here. There's nothing funny about this one.
May the good Lord bless every one of our troops wherever they are!

Redneck BBQ

McRedneck Thinking

The Irish - Such Clear Thinkers

Leave it to the Irish to cut through the crap and make the whole issue crystal clear...
Thoughts from across the pond.

An email from Ireland to the brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

'We, in Ireland , can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States .

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate "Mc" terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord's name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies??

Redneck sense of humor - Company Picanic

For the last company picnic, management had decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

Hillbilly Joke

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia . After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!' For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!' Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted . 'COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH HERE ME!!!' Meet Coldwater...............

Nashville Star

Hats off to Gabe Garcia from Lytle, Texas--just a stone's throw from my home town of Natalia, Texas. He's one of the three finalist left on Nashville Star.

Gabe singing "All My Exes Live In Texas" - YouTube clip

The Right to Bear Arms

A Gun in the Home

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

As John Steinbeck once said:

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

But wait, there's more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said 'Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!' To which I said, of course it is loaded, can't work without bullets!' She then asked, 'Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?' My reply was, 'No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.' To which I'll add, having a gun in the house that isn't loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.

I'm a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment!

Cool Redneck Tool

New DeWalt Nail Gun?

By J.R. Bluett

Sometimes Toolmonger news just rolls into my e-mail! Rod sent the following “press release” along with the picture above:

Just thought I would show you a picture of the new nail gun DeWalt just came out with…this baby is a Man’s Tool!

It can drive a 6-D nail thru a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.

This makes construction a real breeze — you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.

Just get the wife and kids to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold drink — when they have the board in the right place, just fire away.

With the hundred-round magazine, you can build a fence with a minimum of reloading.

After a day of fence-building with the new DeWalt rapid-fire nail gun, the wife won’t ask you fix or build anything else.

We likey. Just make sure the fam is wearing safety goggles, and some Kevlar.

Why women stay single

To be fair to the ladies (women folk), here ya go.

Why I created this blog

I get a ton of hilarious emails from my cuz, Lulu, in Texas which I share with my friends but often the large video clips clog their email system so I created this blog to facilitate (yep, big word for a redneck) sharing of video clips and pics. Even though I was born and raised in Texas, I've spent a fair amount of time in Ohio, Utah, and Arizona and each have their own brand of rednecks, hicks, and hillbillies. There are subtle differences for each (mainly due to geographic location) but I'll save that for a future post. One other thing, most rednecks can's spell worth a darn and I'm no exception so please forgive me in advance if I ain't spellin' very good. Another thing I like to do is mix similar sounding words (I think there called homonyms) such as know, no and even now or there, they're and their. That's my disclaimer to make my English teacher happy. Although I'll try not to be offending, I know you can't please everyone and sooner or later someone will get their feathers ruffled. I think one of the characteristics of most rednecks is we have thick skin. We don't let the petty stuff bother us because we know there's more important things in life, like playing horseshoes or washers.

When the wife doesn't listen

Yeah, sometimes us men can't help rubbing it in.